Goldengal's Weblog

Feeling of Well Being

goldengal — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 22:48:23 +0000

I was standing at the kitchen sink yesterday, hands in water, watching my 18 month old granddaughter playing in the floor with a ball. Suddenly, a wonderful feeling of well being washed over me. I don’t know how it came to me except that I meditate and I hope that opens me up to receive emotional and mental sensations of love, acceptance and abundance. The feeling of warmth began at the top of my head and flushed down through the soles of my feet. I knew it was happening and I felt an instantaneous smile. The lines in my face relaxed. I could feel warmth in all my internal organs, spreading out and creating a sense of ease and joy. It didn’t last long, this feeling – well, not nearly as long as I would have wished. But it happened and it is stored in my memory where I can reflect on it, take it out, hold it up to the light, feel myself appreciating it. It was a wonderful sense of belonging, being in the exact perfect spot for myself – a feeling of total well being.

Grieving is the Right Word

goldengal — Wed, 09 Feb 2011 21:45:14 +0000

Is it possible to grieve the loss of an inanimate object? No, I didn’t lose my pet or a friend or even note the demise of my favorite writer. But seeing our local independent bookstore in Golden close its doors forever is a loss. I feel the lack of the shop acutely. I drive by and see the dark windows with huge signs FOR RENT and feel what I believe can only be described as grief. Clear Creek Books was new when we moved to Golden 3 1/2 years ago. I found it right away and introduced myself to Craig, the irascible owner/proprietor. Within a year, I was arranging for authors and poets to read at Clear Creek Books. Because I do a little fiction writing myself, I’ve been privileged to meet local authors as well as several from other parts of the country who pass through Denver. With a little (ok, in some cases, quite a bit) of emailing and telephoning, I helped arrange, organize and publicize these readings. The bookstore hosted, people came in to see an author (or just wandered in the door at the right moment), a few books were sold, the author and the bookstore made a few dollars and everyone had a good time. The crusty demeanor that Craig projected didn’t make him easy to deal with but I loved arranging the events- otherwise, I wouldn’t have organized ten in fewer than eighteen months. Unfortunately, electronic readers, online stores and a rocky economic climate combined with an increase in rent to drive the little shop out of business. I felt sorry for Craig for awhile. Then I realized that I cannot know his path so I have no idea what is ahead for him. He may find a cure for his ulcer, reshape his priorities an go on to great times. The City of Golden will probably sell off the contents of the shop and hopefully recoup back taxes. The landlord will eventually find another tenant. The lights will go back on in those windows. I will find another location for authors to come and read and chat with readers. And I will get over it. But for right now, I’m grieving. I think grieving is the right word.

The Way to Handle It

goldengal — Fri, 31 Dec 2010 16:24:47 +0000

My friend whom I will call Anna lost her job a year ago…well, 14 months ago to be precise. She is late 40s with a son in college and a husband who works on contracts. I thought the loss of her computer job would be devastating for Anna but what did I know. Even though she works in HR support systems, Anna has always been interested in fashion – she’s sort of a refined Stacy London, Denver version. Once Anna did not have to pound the keyboard, she offered fashion advice for a fee, donated coupons for consultations to the church auction and just generally set about enjoying working with other women. In addition, she began to focus on her home – bought a great looking kitchen table/chairs set on craigslist, painted her bedroom four times to get just the right color on the walls, found a new set of china at an estate sale. Anna said that early on in their marriage, she and her husband decided that they would never have a house payment (and other debts) they could not handle on one salary. In 25+ years of marriage, they had stuck with the philosophy and now they were able to do just fine while one of them was out of a job. In spite of the nibbles of anxiety, Anna has had a fun year. Now, she has found a job she really wants. She spent an hour customizing her resume and wrote a dynamite cover letter in which she said she waited for the job she knew she was right for. She had a telephone interview, and yesterday, a face-to-face interview. It went great. Anna will hear the company’s choice in ten days. As she looks ahead to a new year and its challenges and rewards, she looks back on one spent going her own direction and its satisfactions. Not bad. Anna thinks that’s the way to handle it.

Artists are out of work, too

goldengal — Sun, 12 Dec 2010 21:05:39 +0000

Recently, Susan Winston wrote in the New York Times, “The movers and shakers of yesterday are needed to pave the way today. They just have to learn to take a different road.” Susan is a former television producer, now a licensed mental health counselor. In the NYT, she is discussing artists in the Hollywood community but I think her words have a more far-reaching meaning and depth. I believe it was Albert Einstein who said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing the same way and expecting a different outcome.” In other words, take a different road to get to the destination, the goal you’ve set. I agree with Susan that our heroes of yesterday are important and help us lay the foundation for taking this different road but it is up to each of us, no matter what our profession or business, to choose to take that different road….not usually a simple, quick or easy task, but one that in the current US climate, maybe any climate, is mandatory if we are to succeed.

Abandonment Issues

goldengal — Fri, 12 Nov 2010 20:22:59 +0000

In reading about abandonment issues, I see researchers find that a child under the age of 5 left for more than two weeks by its mother (maybe father, too), will develop abandonment issues. A child whose mother/father is emotionally unavailable and/or unstable, can develop these issues. AI can cause an adult to choose a relationship where the partner also is emotionally unavailable and/or leaves. Adults with this issue can become parents who hover one minute and ignore the child the next minute. Good lord, this makes my life flash before my eyes! When my brother was born, my mother sent me to stay with her mother and her 19 yr old sister for 3+ months. I was two. When I came back home, to a home that now included a baby, I was calling my aunt “Mama.” My mother was furious and reminded me of the indiscretion until the day she died. I often wanted to scream at her, “I WAS TWO! I needed a mother!” But I never did. I married someone who was never emotionally warm and involved. After 20 years and two children, he left for a newer model….no one was surpised when that marriage ended, too. And I have been accused of ‘running hot and cold’ in professional situations. But maybe, just maybe I’m getting over/working through some of it. I’ve been married for 18 yrs to someone who talks to me about everything – ok, so conversations about feelings are often short ones but still….. And my proudest accomplishment is that I am here for my children. I may not be able to solve their problems but I am here. I show up, I listen, I stay involved. I tell them I love them and am proud of them. Maybe I do suffer from AI but I hope I’ve looked that rascal right in the eye and made it back down…maybe more than a little.

Giving Up Control

goldengal — Mon, 20 Sep 2010 16:35:46 +0000

On Saturday, we went to the 50% sale at the Golden Goodwill which I call The G Boutique. I found a handsome dark green plaid cotton long sleeve shirt for my husband. I showed it to him and he said, “No, I don’t want it.” “Why not?” I whined. “It’s only $2, it’s your color and you can wear it with jeans or khaki pants. And it’s a really good name brand.” “I don’t want it and I don’t need it.” “Yes, you do!” I protested. Finally, I hung the shirt back on the rack but I sulked a little about it. By the time we go to the car, I had let it go. I had no control over whether or not he liked the shirt, wanted the shirt, needed the shirt. It was his choice, his decision and my job was to leave that choice and decision to him. It is the respectful thing to do. I have no control over a great many things, this being just one of them. My real job in life is to take care of myself and love others enough to let them make their choices, lead their lives. It’s tough but I’m working on it. It takes lots of deep breathing….and a little sulking once in awhile.

Thank you, Bobby Whitaker

goldengal — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 15:53:13 +0000

When I was in junior high school (that’s what we called it back then), I had a crush on Bobby Whitaker. When I got to high school, he was on the gymnastics team. I joined, thinking he would notice me. Well, that didn’t happen and I was really too tall to be a good gymnast so I became the score keeper for the meets. Yesterday, when I was at yoga, my yoga teacher commented on my flexibility. I told her I had been on the high school gymnastics team for awhile and she said, “Well, you certainly got the benefit of it.” I thought about it and I guess she’s right – I’m probably more flexible now because I had some experience, as a young person, with exercise. So while I’m sorry I never got to know Bobby Whitaker, it’s obvious that I am the lucky one in the story! Thanks, Bobby, wherever you are.

Mouths of Babes

goldengal — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 13:15:27 +0000

My friend and neighbor Judy recently lost her black Lab, Cookie. Cookie had a heart condition and when she was hit by a car, the vet knew she wouldn’t make it. Judy was of course heartbroken as was her 7 year old grandson, Owen. “Gramma, Cookie is in a better place,” he told Judy solemnly. “She’s with other dogs and a thousand you’s.”

Don’t Do 23andMe

goldengal — Thu, 08 Jul 2010 15:02:27 +0000

As most of you know, this year I celebrated my red, white and blue birthday. I decided that having achieved this seemingly ancient number in life, I would go about researching my ancestors. I plunked down several hundred dollars and invested some of my DNA with the goal of learning more about where I came from. Ok, to save yourself reading any more details, here is the point…..don’t do it. 23andMe is supposed to be one of the better companies for researching one’s genetic background. But my experience is that they just have good marketing people.
First of all, results are sent via email. We all know there is no such thing as a secure web connection. So I feel exposed, like my info is out there for anyone who wants to hack in and get it (if there is indeed, anyone that bored with life who feels he/she needs to do this). Secondly, I was informed that my ancestors came not from Japan or China but from Africa. Well, anyone with a minimum of one functioning eye can tell that I have no Asian heritage so that was minimally helpful. Then I received an email that 1,500 to 2,000 years ago, my ancestors came from the Basque region of Spain. There was a Basque region and a Spain 2,000 years ago? Ok, that’s somewhat helpful.
And then the information stopped.
I have a copy of the land grant for my mother’s ancestors who began farming in South Carolina a year after it became a state. I think I was hoping for more information on those folks as well as possibly something about my father’s family from Georgia. But no.
So I wrote a note to 23andMe and asked for a refund, citing some of the above concerns and disappointments. They wrote back a very nice note basically saying “No dice.”
So consider this information fair warning. If you want to spend way too much money and learn that your ancestors walked on two legs, 23andMe is the company that can do that for you. If you have other goals, spend your money researching website and local area historical societies. You’ll learn more – and be happier with the outcome.

How Do You Know?

goldengal — Thu, 27 May 2010 23:44:00 +0000

I was chatting with a writer friend on the phone this afternoon. She was editing a story for a publication where one of my stories has recently been published. She said, “I keep revising and revising. How do I know when I’m really finished with the story?”
I told her that in April, I went to hear Robin Black at Clear Creek Books in downtown Golden. Robin read about 1/3 of a story from her new book. When she finished and asked for questions, a writer in the audience asked that same question. Robin’s answer? She said, “I don’t know. When I read that excerpt from my book to you, I changed some of the words because I decided I liked them better than the words printed on the page.” I loved that answer. Even a professional writer, one who has devoted her life to writing, one whose book is translated into four different languages in four different countries, revises even after the words are in print!
My friend and I laughed at the story and then we said to each other, “What hope is there for us?” We’ll agonize over our work forever – but in the meantime, we’ll be sending it out and hoping that editors like it. When we’re famous and appearing and reading from our own work, we reserve the right to revise!