In reading about abandonment issues, I see researchers find that a child under the age of 5 left for more than two weeks by its mother (maybe father, too), will develop abandonment issues. A child whose mother/father is emotionally unavailable and/or unstable, can develop these issues. AI can cause an adult to choose a relationship where the partner also is emotionally unavailable and/or leaves. Adults with this issue can become parents who hover one minute and ignore the child the next minute. Good lord, this makes my life flash before my eyes! When my brother was born, my mother sent me to stay with her mother and her 19 yr old sister for 3+ months. I was two. When I came back home, to a home that now included a baby, I was calling my aunt “Mama.” My mother was furious and reminded me of the indiscretion until the day she died. I often wanted to scream at her, “I WAS TWO! I needed a mother!” But I never did. I married someone who was never emotionally warm and involved. After 20 years and two children, he left for a newer model….no one was surpised when that marriage ended, too. And I have been accused of ‘running hot and cold’ in professional situations. But maybe, just maybe I’m getting over/working through some of it. I’ve been married for 18 yrs to someone who talks to me about everything – ok, so conversations about feelings are often short ones but still….. And my proudest accomplishment is that I am here for my children. I may not be able to solve their problems but I am here. I show up, I listen, I stay involved. I tell them I love them and am proud of them. Maybe I do suffer from AI but I hope I’ve looked that rascal right in the eye and made it back down…maybe more than a little.
Abandonment Issues
Advertisement
