We came home from Taos in a snowstorm and I drove most of the trip which ended up taking the better part of two days. I was tired from gripping the wheel and focusing on near whiteout conditions but then I started feeling exhausted. Naps were deep unconsciousness and night time sleeping was overpowered by dreams. I dreamed of all the terrible things I did to my children when they were younger and felt so bad I wanted to immediately call them up and beg forgiveness. That feeling stayed with me during the day and I began to think I was dying. After all, my life was flashing before my eyes and isn’t that what they say happens when you die? Food held no interest for me…how could I eat when I thought of what a terrible mother I had been? For two days, I dragged myself around the house…no energy despite all the sleep. I had dark circles under my eyes and imagined that my skin tone was grey…another sign of my imminent demise. Then suddenly, yesterday I awoke full of energy. Food looked and smelled appealing again. My husband thinks I had a virus of some kind. I think my kids, now adults, know I love them and will have to forgive me. Life goes on…and it is good once again.
