Loss of Control

Recently, my daughter said to me, “Mom, you’re not nearly as controlling as you used to be.”  I took it as a huge compliment…but did not share with her that when I was a single mother of two teenagers, I felt control was my responsibility.  Fortunately, my two children grew into wonderful adults, probably in spite of me and not because of me.  But I am happy to give up control…and find myself doing it in all kinds of situations.  Often in the last 15 years, in discussing business or real estate matters with my husband, I’ve silently congratulated myself when he agreed with me and we made wise investments;  I felt my intelligence (read control) paid off and we benefitted.  Then we disagreed on an invesment and it remains to be seen how it will turn out.  At first, I felt angry….and then I thought “What if I’m not right?  What if, in the greater cosmic scheme of things, my perspective turns out to be skewed?  What if I tossed in my pebble of control and opinion and the widening ripples serve to create a different wave in the unfolding river of life?”  What a thought!

Today, a friend and I were talking and she said that as she develops spiritually, she often thinks of a favorite quote:  “I’ll work like hell on what I believe in but I take no responsibility for the results.”  How freeing to think this way!  I’ll put effort and enthusiasm into my life…but the way things turn out is up to the universe!  How relaxing!  I can exhale and slump into life…no more ramrod straight posture and piercing looks in an effort to control……obviously, a posture noted by my offspring.